Top 10 Rituals for Connection
Relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman emphasize the importance of rituals for couples for one simple reason: they help us connect. I personally like rituals because they are designed to be repeated at regular intervals, which takes away the guessing and work around planning something new over and over. These 10 suggestions are my Gottman-inspired top ideas on ways that you and your partner can reconnect or simply stay connected.
Have a weekly sex-date. This is something that you and your partner can look forward to all week. And the benefit is that engaging in regular sex can sustain your libido overall.
Create a Friday night ritual to help you unwind from the week. This can be anything from ordering pizza from a new place each week to having a 5:00 cocktail after work.
Engage in a regular “State of the Union” conversation. The Gottmans designed a “State of the Union” activity that gives couples structure to talk about what’s going well and not well in the relationship. This can be weekly, monthly, or even quarterly. The key is to make it work for you.
Have a book club together. Each month pick a book that you would like to read and have a recurring date to discuss the book.
Watch a show together. Whether you’re into Bridgerton or Nobody Wants This, watching a show together is a low-energy way to connect. This activity doesn’t have to be nightly, and probably cannot be nightly because schedules are too hectic. However, pick a show and watch at a regular interval. Don’t watch without each other!
Kiss before you part in the morning. The Gottmans advocate a 6 second kiss. Although this may sound long, it’s research based and can fan the flames of desire.
Hug when you return to each other. This hug can be when you get home from work or if you’re not living together, perhaps when someone comes over for the weekend. Anyway that you engage in it, the hug should last 20 seconds. Gottman’s orders!
Give your partner one compliment or piece of appreciation daily. This helps you build your relationship bank account.
Go on date night! Again, date night doesn’t have to be every single week. Babysitters can be expensive as well. The goal is to find a cadence for date night that works for you and to prioritize your connection.
Have a family game night. No more explaining is necessary here!
